Is the thought of writing your speech bringing you out in a sweat? Ensure it packs a humorous punch thanks to our round up of top jokes for your best man speech.

While it’s lovely to be honoured as someone’s best man, we’d be right in saying that for most men, it comes with a certain amount of pressure. Once organising that all-important stag-do as been crossed off the list, your attention will no doubt turn to the (for many) dreaded best man’s speech. A good speech is one that delivers the perfect balance between sentiment and humour. Those which are most memorable offer guests jokes which are tasteful and in good nature.

So how exactly do you inject some humour into your best man speech without offending anyone? With a carefully planned joke or two. If these don’t naturally come to you, we’re here to help. We’ve searched the internet to bring you our round-up of the BEST jokes so that you can nail your best man speech and be the talk of the room. Use these as they are or adapt them to include your own personal flair.

“We’ve now reached the point in the proceedings when we all get to see the groom shift uncomfortably in his seat and grip the tablecloth in nervous anticipation. That’s right… I’ve been asked to give him the drinks bill.”

“I think the main reason why we’ve been friends all these years is that you’re geographically convenient… and you had a trampoline.”

“I’d now like to focus on [Groom] for a moment. Enjoy it, mate. After today, this is the last time you’ll ever be the centre of attention.”

“Just some messages here to read out. One from the groom’s football team, which reads: “Apologies we couldn’t all be here today. Good luck with [Groom’s name]. We found him to be useless in most positions, but wishing you all the best for tonight.””

“I do have to say through [Groom], just how lucky you are. You will leave here today with a wife who is warm, loving and caring. And [Bride], you’re lucky too. You leave here today having gained a lovely new dress and bouquet of flowers.”

“As part of my research, I discovered that according to tradition, I am supposed to sing the groom’s praises and tell you all about his good qualities. Well, I’m very sorry but I can’t sing and I won’t lie.”

“So where do I begin with [Groom]? Well, for starters he’s handsome, witty, intelligent, he’s char… sorry [Groom]. I’m having trouble reading your handwriting. You can fill me in on the rest later.”

“Now I did ask for a microphone but was told one isn’t available. So if you can’t hear me at the back, the silence from the people at the front should reassure you that you’re not missing out on anything.”

“Right I’d just like to start by laying down a couple of rules. Firstly, if you do have a mobile phone, please leave it switched on; keep yourselves entertained. And secondly, if anyone texts you any good jokes, could you please forward them to me?”

“Well what can I say about [Groom] that hasn’t already been a topic on the Jeremy Kyle Show?”

“Before I start ladies and gentlemen, let us observe a few moments silence in memory of the 3,000 prawns, 200 chickens, countless carnations, delphiniums, lilies and roses who selflessly gave their lives to make this wedding celebration possible.”

“It’s safe to say it’s been an emotional day. Even the cake is in tiers.”

“Hi, I’m the best man and for the speech today, the bride and groom have asked that I don’t talk about the groom’s mishaps, mistakes, embarrassing moments or ex-girlfriends. So thanks for listening everyone, that’s all from me.”

“[Groom] is a wonderful, handsome, charismatic man. Generosity should be his middle name. He’d do anything for anyone. In fact, he even wrote this speech for me.”